Missing in action

Thought you'd lost me? Well, you almost did! It's a long story, and I'm not gonna bore you with it....suffice to say that it involved a Caterpillar mining truck, an anti-war protest in Madrid, 2 midgets and Paris Hilton.
Yeah, I know how that sounds, but I assure you that it makes sense in the context.

But hey, this blog is about dating hot chicks. Check out my latest find:

Doesn't she just make you drool like an idiot? Actually she did make me drool like an idiot, and that was the end of an almost extatic evening, but I won't go into details. Thank god there are many more where she came from :)

Viagra for the soul

OK, this is another update that was a long time coming. The fact of the matter is that I've been somewhat limp lately. And don't you bloody laugh, it's no fun. At first I was afraid that it was because my dick keeps getting bigger, that perhaps I didn't have enough blood in my body to fill it any more. I started getting really paranoid about it, imagining that I might pass out from loss of blood if I were to get a real hard-on, and wake up brain-damaged.

I finally went to see my doctor. That was most embarassing as well, she's pretty damned hot, and it was awful having to tell her about my problem. She said that I was probably just stressed, and that it would probably improve all by itself. She suggested that I go home, do yoga and relaxation exercises, and to get back to her if the problem persisted.

So I went home and did yoga and relaxation exercises, and nothing helped. I didn't want to go back to my doctor again, so I finally just decided to get my own viagra online. It's actually not viagra, but vidrin. Same thing though, it's also Sildenafil Citrate, only cheaper, and I don't have to go tell my doctor that I'm impotent again. And it's damned awesome! It works wonders, I'm horny as a goat again, and hard as a rock!

So I got my ass and my new erection back online for some wild sex dating and just had the time of my life with this babe:

Cutie, huh? And she was very impressed with my dick and my stamina :)

Google is a smart-ass

So I wasn't having much luck with my dating lately, and decided to get some help. I went to Google's image search to see if that will help. My first search was for "who will have sex with me?" Here's what Google came up with:

I mean wtf.
So I tried "where can I find a hot date?"
Google's response:

Yeah, right. Very funny.

Whoa, what a disaster

No, not the girl in the pic above, she's anything but a disaster :)
You're probably wondering what happened to me. Well, emboldened by my growing confidence and my growing member, I answered an ad in a local newspaper: "Cute divorcee seeks male partner for fun". She answered my letter immediately, with a pic of herself included, and her phone-number. She was absolutely gorgeous! Real photo-model material. So I mastered my shaky nerves and my shaky voice, called her, and arranged to meet for drinks at 6 PM the next day.

Well, I was there at 5:45 PM, and of course she wasn't. At 6:30 PM I was staring hard at a really hideous woman 2 tables away, wondering if it was in fact her, when she walked in, looking even more stunning than in the pic. She was bubbly, friendly, spontaneous, sexy, exciting, all rolled into one. We had a couple of drinks and then went off to a club she'd suggested. I'd never heard of it before, it turned out to be a strip-club. Everyone stared at us when we walked in, as she was the only female customer in there, and I felt extremely proud that she was my date. Not for very long, though.

Turns out she knew every single guy in there! I still don't know if she used to work there as a stripper, or if she just went in there to pick up guys, but it made me very uncomfortable. But after a few more drinks I sorta relaxed into the situation, especially since she was sorta snuggling up against me and whispering naughty things in my ear all the time.

So she invited me to her apartment afterwards, and that's when it turned weird...she had two kids, a boy of 10 and a girl of 12, and she put them to bed while I had another drink. Then we went to her bedroom, and she literally tore my clothes off me, ripped off her own and jumped on me like a madwoman. Which all sounds most exciting, but the kids' bedrooms are right across the hall, and she was making an incredible amount of noise. No-one could sleep through her yelling, she was like Meg Ryan in that movie. My I had great trouble concentrating on keeping my newly-developed pecker semi-hard.

Finally (it felt like hours later) she came like an express-train and we both fell asleep. Then at 5 AM something woke me up, and she was sitting on the side of the bed, holding a fucking BREAD-KNIFE in her hand, and staring at me with this vacant Lorena Bobbit-like expression.

I scrambled into my torn clothes and got out of there as fast as I could. Thank god I never gave her my address or phone number. For days I was almost too terrified to leave the house.

Then I found the cutie in the pic above, and have been having great cam sex with her. From now on I'm gonna stick to virtual sex dating.

Another blondie

Had a quiet week, just taking my pills and watching my dick grow. It's grown a quarter of an inch already, at this rate I'll be a sexual superman in a few months time :)

Just finished camming this babe, and it was awesome. Sometimes I wish I'd been born a woman, it would be great to be able to cum so many times in such a short while. LOL, and my dick would have made an enormous clit too.

Yes yes yes!

Whoa! First thing this morning, my penis pills arrived, and I immediately took an overdose. Of course it's too soon for any physical improvements, but already it's done great things for my confidence. So I logged on to WildMatch and started browsing the babes. And I found this steaming blonde bimbo. She's hot! And she thinks I'm hot!!!

We cammed for an hour, and she came 5 times. I only came once, but that's because I was struggling to hide my dick from her....I didn't want a repeat performance of what happened on Friday. Not easy, that, jerking off without letting on that you only have 3 inches to work with. I almost came all over the keyboard again, just remembered at the last moment to change my aim. But anyway, yeah, it was awesome! I can't wait to cam her again :)

...but never

never on a sunday, a sunday, a sunday, 'cause that's my day of rest